She's Gone.

                                                                  Goodbye...

She fell onto the floor. Her vision was blurring, she barely can see anything. Her head is spinning. She was thinking. 'Was it the right thing? Am I doing the right thing'. She thought about her family. Her mom, dad. Her brother. Tears began to flow. She started to doubt her action, but it's too late. She closed her eyes.

  Darkness. That's it. She's dead. 'I'm dead'

***

"NO!" she ran to her daughter that was lying on the floor motionlessly. She cried with her daughter in her hands. Crying can't do anything. It can't bring her back.

***

The news spread all over her school. Everyone felt shock. Even the one who picked on her, teased her, pushed her, ignore her. They were sorry, blaming it on themselves, but still. It doesn't makes any difference. She's gone.

***

Her facebook timeline was full. Full with apologies. Full with question why. Full with sorrow. But still, no use. She can't see it. She's gone.

***

It's funny. People didn't even care about you. Your feelings. Your life. Until, you're gone. Until, there's nothing else to do. Nothing else can change it. She's gone.

***

Her mother stopped working. Her parents think about what did they do wrong? Her dad started to go crazy. Her family broke apart. Her friends, can't stopped blaming themselves. The people who bullied her, can't focus on anything. Mentally traumatized. 

***

Then, she realize. Realize, how much she meant to people. But it was to late. She's gone.

_________________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading. Remember, you are not alone in this world! Be happy. Haters gonna hate but it's never the end of the world unless you yourself, did it. ;)

Shipping Youtubers!

                                                            Balloons...

Hey all,

  I'm gonna talk about Youtubers! My favourites!I know it has nothing to do with the image above but I need an image. It's gonna get a bit weird, so... just a warning. 

Okay, I think if you read my last blogs, you should know I like Pewdiepie the most. But, that's not all. I like Smosh, Onision and also Cyr! 

Cyr is new in my list, so I like him because of certain reasons. Pewdiepie is the number one in my list, I like Smosh a bit more than Onision. Very close tho.

So, I'm gonna have to confess something really embarrassing. I like to ship. Some of you may know what it is but some of you may not. Shipping is like..well, I really don't know how to explain.

I'll give examples instead. So, I like Ianthony and Ocyrion. Do you get it? Ian + Anthony. Onision + Cyr. 

I like to read fanfics about them, but not the nasty ones. (Yes there is some) So, I just have this, you can call it addiction, with shipping people. Hehe..

That's all. Don't judge! Thanks 4 reading!

Chubby Bunny~~

                                                        Marshmallows..

Hueuhehehello...

  Marshmallows! Yay! I don't really like it but I can eat it. Just that, when I eat to much, I'll stop eating for like a month.

Just now, I went to buy some marshmallows. I wanted to do a Chubby Bunny Challenge with my brother and his friend but his friend doesn't want to. 

Then, my sis came back. She really likes marshmallows so I did it with her. We didn't last so long. Hehe... I record it but I'll don't think I'll post it. Too bad..

My brother was the worst. He only got 2 and the gave up. I didn't do very well either. I got 4. My sister was the winner! She got... *drum roll* 6! Yay! Not that much but, she's the winner.

That's all.. I now it's short but thanks for reading, actually I like short blogs. Opps,,, random fact about me. Bye!

The Past...

                                                          I guess I did...

Hey,

  I'm gonna talk about my past, again. I just want to let it go. So, i write about it. That's why I like to write and draw. I can express my feelings through them.

So, when I was younger, I always play outside with my brother. Most of my friends is his. Actually, it's his friends not actually mine. 

Well, I had fun. So much fun. Not having a care in the world. I'm not shy to play with the boys, too. But, now it's different.

About two years ago, I stopped playing with them. I dunno why. I guess when my body change, I felt a bit, how do you say it, like I'm scared of what other people thinks. So, yeah. I kinda stop playing with them but I actually still wanted to play with them.

Then my brother started playing futsal a lot, I'm a total loser in these things. I can't even kick a ball. Like, I literally cannot kick the ball. So, I stayed in the house even more.

Then, my brother not only play futsal outside but also indoors. As in video games like FIFA and stuff like that. Before this we like use to play Modern Warfare. Black Ops, Halo and stuff like that. So, I didn't play FIFA with them cuz i dunno how to.

Then, 2013. I got into a boarding school. So, less interaction with the people in the neighbourhood. Everytime I came home for a weekend or a holiday like that, I would just stay in the house. Facebooking or watching Youtube. I had no life at home.

Then,seeing other people having fun with who used to be my friends, sucks. I tried like hanging out with an old friend of mine, it didn't really work out. She ended up on her phone. Well I tried to start a conversation but it didn't worked out.

I miss the old days. So, this long holiday is fun, in a way. Sitting in my house watching Youtube. That's why I can't wait to meet my friends, but I sucks that school starting. So, it's a mixed feelings. 

So, ya. Bye. Thanks for reading.. ;)

Eye Phone Five

                                                       Apple...

Olla..

  I want to talk about the iPhone 5. I really want it but it's so freakin' expensive. I don't mind not getting it know but I'm gonna save money to buy an iPhone.

Why do I want iPhone 5? Well, it's looks cool and classy. It's Apple. I like Apple's product. It has awesome cover!

The phone I'm using now is awesome but it's kinda new in the market so it only has one type of cover which you get when you buy the phone. It's hard to find the cover, so yeah. 

I dunno why, but I want iPhone real bad, but I guess I can wait and save up some money. Hehe.. Second hand is fine too. As long as it's still in good condition.

Hehe.. I guess that's all, I know it's really short but yeah, thanks for reading. ;)

S and M

                                                 Starbucks...

Well hello,

 I wanna talk about what I really like. Starbucks and mustaches. 

Okay, actually I started craving Starbucks years ago before I had my first one. I rarely go to these type of places. 

As you know, I'm a timid person. Do you know that? Well, ya, I am. So, I would think that I'm less than anyone and I don't really have confidence. I'm not the cool kid or the hot peeps. I'm like the nerd or the geek who sits in the corner, reading or drawing. You can say that I'm an introvert.

So, everytime I go to these places, I feel insecure. It's like a nerdy kid showing up to the cool kids' party. Awkward. I'm not the type of person with thousand of followers/ friends. Nope.

But, I finally got my Starbucks! Yay! And I'm lovin it! I really like Starbucks. I never told anyone before that I really want, like seriously want Starbucks because everytime I go there, I feel insecure.

Now, moving on to MUSTACHES! Yay! I started liking mustaches since I knew about it. About one and a half year ago but now I love mustaches. I can't have it on my face, on my shirt is good enough. Hehe..

That's all. Oh, I never said this, sorry. Thanks For Reading!

Getting ready for school!

                                                         So small...

Hi,

  I'm just taking a break from all the packing. School is gonna start in less than a week so, yeah, start packing. I'm about 10% done. HEhehehe... don't judge me! Lolz,,

I have so much things so pack actually. I study at a boarding school, in case you're wondering. That's why I have to pack. Btw, I actually still have to do a Girl Guides logbook.

I'm not happy that school is starting and I've lost all my stamina by eating fast food and not working out. Hehe.. But I'm happy that I can meet my friends. All the craziness. Miss them so much. 

I have a bad feeling. My friend that go to 'sports time' with me, left. So, I actually have no one to go to sports with. Sad and scared. I hate this feeling. I miss her a lot too. I'm wishing like she surprises me and my friends by coming back, but I know it's not gonna happen. :( 

Anyway, I'm also scared to see who is my new dorm leader, how's the form fives gonna do stuff. 

I'm gonna get a cs! (college sister) I'm super scared. I don't know what to say to her and her parents. I'm not so good in communicating with strangers. 

I just hope it's gonna be an awesome year. Praying hard! Bye! ;)

Let go..

                                                         Moments...

Hi...

  I'm kind of sad. My friend just posted a video about my class last year at my old school and I cried. You must be thinking I cried because I missed them. Not really.

Actually, I never liked elementary school. I'm a loner. I don't have much friends. Well, not permanent. I can't make friends so easily. Even in kindergarten. In kindergarten I had a bestfriend but...she's just there when I'm happy. It sucks.

In elementary too. I had a bestfriend but she wasn't a true one. She always get mad at me even at the slightest thing. I dislike her, a lot. 

But, someone special came in. In third year, a gal name, well, I'm not gonna tell her real name, so let's call her Anny. She got into my class. As I told you, I never had a true bestfriend, so every year the first day, I never know where to seat. So, if the teacher picks the seat, I'll be so so happy.

So, I sat beside Anny. She was a kind, nice, a great person. She became my bestfriend. She truly was. I was so happy. Then some of her friends became mine. There were four of us. Everything was great.

Then, one day. Anny moved. The three of us cried so bad, and the day she moved I was absent. It sucked so bad. I cried silent tears. She gave me a letter. I cried even more reading it. Everyone in class knew the three of us cried.

Starting then, it started to sucked again. The other two started to leave me. I was once again alone. 

Then senior year came. I was a prefect. I liked it cuz every recess i don't need to have someone to hang out with. Cuz I never had anyone anyway.  I had one friend, her name was Nani. She was great but still something was incomplete. She could never replace Anny. I felt so happy that I had Nani. I was truly. Trough out the year, I got less closer with Nani.

Now, when my class want to have a gathering, I don't really want to. I'm scared, I'm scared no one will be happy to see me. I'm scared that I'll have no one to sit with, no one to play with. I'm scared that's all. So, please don't misunderstand. 

That's all... :'(

Never look at you the same...

 

                                                      Secrets....

Hello..
  So, remember I told you that I have a someone that I'm very competitive with, someone who I want to surpass. I want to talk about that someone.

So, I told you I know her secrets. I guess the one she told me wasn't all. There's tons more. Seriously. So, I found an item. Something I bet she would not want anyone to read. I did. I check it out. I was super suuuuuuuupeeeeeeeeerrr shock. I thought I wanted to be like her, but now, I'm not so sure.

I'm sad. Half of me want to do the things she does but half of me knows it's wrong. I'm also kind of sad for her. I know that the only person she can blame is herself but....i dunno I just have a feeling that she's only gonna get worse. Even if she's my competitor, she is still dear to me. I don't want her to be like what she is now or get even worse.

I'm confused. Like I said, I don't want her to get worse. I don't know what to do. Should I tell? Should I keep quiet? I photocopy some of her confession, ya i know it's wrong, but in case I need to tell. Or maybe blackmail? No, I shouldn't do that.

Seriously, I don't know what to do. I feel happy, sad, scared, confused. I JUST WANT TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT THIS! About her secrets. I don't want to be the only one who knows. I want to talk to her but I'm sure she'll be mad.

 I'm scared. She once tried to kill herself! KILL HERSELF! I've been watching these video about cutting, but I didn't know that she's one of them. She cut herself twice. Well, all that I know. What if she really does it. I really need help.

I'm happy. My happiness about this is the least. I'm happy to know that I'm better in some ways. Happy to know that I'm not the bad one. Happy to know that, people who praised her doesn't know a thing about who she really is!

Happy 5%, Confused 25% Sad 30% Scared 40%. I just don't know what to do. Help me...

That's all T__T

Like? Love? Nope.

                                                   Mustaches...Hehe

Hey.. ;)

   I want to talk about me. Yay! No? You don't like it? Whatever, gonna do it anyways. 

So, I know this guy. He's hot. I stalk him a lot. I can say I like him. Love him, even. Umm..no, not really.

I think I like him but it's not lurrvvee..Hahaha..If you truly love someone, you don't care how he looks. You like him, like he is. His personality, his skills, the way he treats you, stuff like that, rite?

Well, how do you like someone if you never even spoke to him. Never get to know him. Never knew what he's like. Don't even know, how his voice sounds like.

That's why, I don't think i truly like this person. It's just the looks. Even if everytime someone says his name, I'll smile. I never took it seriously. I thought I actually, like really really really like him, but naw, i don't.

That's all, quite short but whateve...Bye! 

Be me?

                                                      Be You Tiful...

Ello...

  I have regret. I regret not being myself. Now, I have to live with it. I have to live with the decision I made because I know, no one will accept me. People will think bad of me. It sucks. I really want to tell the world who I really am but I can't.

I have someone who's close to me. I can be myself when I'm around her. I can't be myself at home or at school or anywhere else. But, when I'm with her I can. She's cool with me cuz she's the same. We both understand each other.

When we grow up, we say that we wanted to live together like until we're married or something like that. I really want to, but I'm scared that it won't happen. I feel like it won't. I want it to happen.

I like being around her, eventhough I don't really act like it. She's my bestfriend since as long as I can remember.  Maybe we fight sometimes but we'll get better sooner or later. She's like my twin. My Twisted Twin.

Anyway, I have a goal to surpass this someone. Not the one I mention just now, a different gal. She's my competition. I have lots of goal in life but this is one of the primary ones. She's good at almost everything. Plus, she gets to live and enjoy her life being who she is. I know her secret. She keeps a lot of secrets. I wish I can be like her. Live like her. 

My life right now is full of regret, but c'mon I'm super young. There's so much possibilities in my life and opportunities yet to come. One goal of mine is to change myself and enjoy life!

LOLZ...Bye! 

My love for Pewdie...

 

                                        How's it going bros.... -Pewdiepie-

Hi, people..

   I want to talk about someone. Can you tell? No? Well, it's Pewdiepie. I watch him everyday. My mom tells me it's a waste of time. Maybe it is, but it won't stop me from watching. I sometimes ask myself why do I even watch him? Well, I think I know why.

He makes me laugh. Yes, but that's not all. He has something else. He's my idol. Hey, I can choose whoever I want to be my idol, okay. 

Anyway, he makes me believe. He showed me that you should follow your heart, your dreams. You should do what you like, do what you enjoy and not what people ask you to or expect you to do. As long as you work hard and strive for what you want in life!

Other than that, he reminds me of someone who is dearest to me. Who's not mine to keep. I'm really close to him. I mean really, really, really, really close. I'm sad that he has to go and have his own life. He does visit sometime and everytime he does, I'll be really excited but I don't really talk to him. It's not really about what we do, it's about him being there. We played games a lot and he is quite similar to Pewdie.

Pewdie also brings back sweet memories. Memories I never wish to forget. Memories I wish I could relive. 

Pewdiepie does things his own way, well, he plays game. A lot of people do that. What's so special? His way is funny, I'm not saying that other people are not, but when they try to like copy Pewds, they can't. Why? Because it won't be funny. 

That's all... Thanks for reading and btw this is what I think. People who hates him, well, this is my opinion. P.S there are a lot a gamers who's good and original, I'm not saying Pewidepie is the best but he's one of a kind. Bye! *BROFIST*

About myself ;)

                                               

                                                   Hello, I'm Azcowtuz....

Ey! If anyone is wondering what is Azcowtuz, I'll tell you. Well, 'AZ' is my two favourite letters. 'COW' is, well of course, it's a cow. 'TUZ' is cactus. Yes, I like cow and cactus. Don't judge me! Hahaha....jk, jk.

So, umm, I like to draw and write. Write like short stories. Maybe I'll post some..hehe.. I like the colour grey, blue and purple. I want to be a doctor, I think. I'm not so sure about it.

I'm not that good in anything. I guess I can run long distance, but I'm not fast. I can draw but not that good. I can play piano and trumpet, but my trumpet sucks. I have goals but it's a secret..tehee.