The New Me

Welcome Back..

It's been a long time..
  Hey all, I'm back and I'm back with the new me! Well, you might be confused. So, I'm here to tell you.

I've been telling you that I'm living under a mask. A mask that i want to take of since forever. Did I take it off? Nope, not really! ;)

Actually, i gave a shot at it but it was true what I said. I can't. I's not that i didn't like it, it's someone else who doesn't.

Now, now. I always say that 'Who matter doesn't care and who care doesn't matter', but this is the someone who is a big part of your life that you can't kick out.

So? Why am I so happy? I learnt that I don't need to take off the mask to be happy. I take it off sometimes so that would fill my whole life until I can truly take it off. 

One day, I will. But, till then, I'm Ally Azlan a.k.a Azcowtuz and I'm going to wait patiently for my time to shine. Bye! ;)

When can I take of my mask..

                                                             My mask....

Hye,

   haven't been writing lately but I'm writing now...

so, I really don't know how to write it. I want to change. My biggest regret ever in my life is making the decision to be what I'm now. I really really really REALLY want to change. Change to be better or to be worse? Well, I'll let you think about that.

People think they now me but no one know what's inside. A someone that I never show. A someone that I want to be but I'm not. I know no one will accept me at all. Not even my family. 

I know I wrote this before but the feeling came again. I'm not the person who cries in front of people or their parents, that's why I write or draw or write songs. So when i can't write a blog cuz my laptop's screen was broken i cried whenever something bad happen.

For the first time I cried in front of my mom, but still I can't tell her the truth. At all. Not even the slightest hint. I want to change, no, I want to be who I really am inside. I want to take of this mask. I want to me MYSELF. People say this so frequently but they don't really mean it. 

That's all... Be strong and be YOU~~

She's Gone.

                                                                  Goodbye...

She fell onto the floor. Her vision was blurring, she barely can see anything. Her head is spinning. She was thinking. 'Was it the right thing? Am I doing the right thing'. She thought about her family. Her mom, dad. Her brother. Tears began to flow. She started to doubt her action, but it's too late. She closed her eyes.

  Darkness. That's it. She's dead. 'I'm dead'

***

"NO!" she ran to her daughter that was lying on the floor motionlessly. She cried with her daughter in her hands. Crying can't do anything. It can't bring her back.

***

The news spread all over her school. Everyone felt shock. Even the one who picked on her, teased her, pushed her, ignore her. They were sorry, blaming it on themselves, but still. It doesn't makes any difference. She's gone.

***

Her facebook timeline was full. Full with apologies. Full with question why. Full with sorrow. But still, no use. She can't see it. She's gone.

***

It's funny. People didn't even care about you. Your feelings. Your life. Until, you're gone. Until, there's nothing else to do. Nothing else can change it. She's gone.

***

Her mother stopped working. Her parents think about what did they do wrong? Her dad started to go crazy. Her family broke apart. Her friends, can't stopped blaming themselves. The people who bullied her, can't focus on anything. Mentally traumatized. 

***

Then, she realize. Realize, how much she meant to people. But it was to late. She's gone.

_________________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading. Remember, you are not alone in this world! Be happy. Haters gonna hate but it's never the end of the world unless you yourself, did it. ;)

Shipping Youtubers!

                                                            Balloons...

Hey all,

  I'm gonna talk about Youtubers! My favourites!I know it has nothing to do with the image above but I need an image. It's gonna get a bit weird, so... just a warning. 

Okay, I think if you read my last blogs, you should know I like Pewdiepie the most. But, that's not all. I like Smosh, Onision and also Cyr! 

Cyr is new in my list, so I like him because of certain reasons. Pewdiepie is the number one in my list, I like Smosh a bit more than Onision. Very close tho.

So, I'm gonna have to confess something really embarrassing. I like to ship. Some of you may know what it is but some of you may not. Shipping is like..well, I really don't know how to explain.

I'll give examples instead. So, I like Ianthony and Ocyrion. Do you get it? Ian + Anthony. Onision + Cyr. 

I like to read fanfics about them, but not the nasty ones. (Yes there is some) So, I just have this, you can call it addiction, with shipping people. Hehe..

That's all. Don't judge! Thanks 4 reading!

Chubby Bunny~~

                                                        Marshmallows..

Hueuhehehello...

  Marshmallows! Yay! I don't really like it but I can eat it. Just that, when I eat to much, I'll stop eating for like a month.

Just now, I went to buy some marshmallows. I wanted to do a Chubby Bunny Challenge with my brother and his friend but his friend doesn't want to. 

Then, my sis came back. She really likes marshmallows so I did it with her. We didn't last so long. Hehe... I record it but I'll don't think I'll post it. Too bad..

My brother was the worst. He only got 2 and the gave up. I didn't do very well either. I got 4. My sister was the winner! She got... *drum roll* 6! Yay! Not that much but, she's the winner.

That's all.. I now it's short but thanks for reading, actually I like short blogs. Opps,,, random fact about me. Bye!

The Past...

                                                          I guess I did...

Hey,

  I'm gonna talk about my past, again. I just want to let it go. So, i write about it. That's why I like to write and draw. I can express my feelings through them.

So, when I was younger, I always play outside with my brother. Most of my friends is his. Actually, it's his friends not actually mine. 

Well, I had fun. So much fun. Not having a care in the world. I'm not shy to play with the boys, too. But, now it's different.

About two years ago, I stopped playing with them. I dunno why. I guess when my body change, I felt a bit, how do you say it, like I'm scared of what other people thinks. So, yeah. I kinda stop playing with them but I actually still wanted to play with them.

Then my brother started playing futsal a lot, I'm a total loser in these things. I can't even kick a ball. Like, I literally cannot kick the ball. So, I stayed in the house even more.

Then, my brother not only play futsal outside but also indoors. As in video games like FIFA and stuff like that. Before this we like use to play Modern Warfare. Black Ops, Halo and stuff like that. So, I didn't play FIFA with them cuz i dunno how to.

Then, 2013. I got into a boarding school. So, less interaction with the people in the neighbourhood. Everytime I came home for a weekend or a holiday like that, I would just stay in the house. Facebooking or watching Youtube. I had no life at home.

Then,seeing other people having fun with who used to be my friends, sucks. I tried like hanging out with an old friend of mine, it didn't really work out. She ended up on her phone. Well I tried to start a conversation but it didn't worked out.

I miss the old days. So, this long holiday is fun, in a way. Sitting in my house watching Youtube. That's why I can't wait to meet my friends, but I sucks that school starting. So, it's a mixed feelings. 

So, ya. Bye. Thanks for reading.. ;)

Eye Phone Five

                                                       Apple...

Olla..

  I want to talk about the iPhone 5. I really want it but it's so freakin' expensive. I don't mind not getting it know but I'm gonna save money to buy an iPhone.

Why do I want iPhone 5? Well, it's looks cool and classy. It's Apple. I like Apple's product. It has awesome cover!

The phone I'm using now is awesome but it's kinda new in the market so it only has one type of cover which you get when you buy the phone. It's hard to find the cover, so yeah. 

I dunno why, but I want iPhone real bad, but I guess I can wait and save up some money. Hehe.. Second hand is fine too. As long as it's still in good condition.

Hehe.. I guess that's all, I know it's really short but yeah, thanks for reading. ;)